An Entire Month

I can’t believe it. An entire month of no alcohol! The last few days have been extremely hard. I anticipate some extra difficult days coming up over this next week. I’m on a business buying trip right now. I’ll be traveling until the 10th. Of course, business trips mean happy hours and big dinners with vendors and suppliers. Lots of hand shaking, joke telling, pats on the back, and drinking. Lots of drinking. I feel like a bit of an intruder. I have found that I am more comfortable in these situation with a drink in my hand. So I order a sparkling water with lime and no one knows any better. As a socially anxious person it is quite exhausting.

I’m holding on but have been close. Thinking, “I guess I could just have one drink” or “It’s only one night.” I stopped myself. I was good. The best way for me to stop that thinking is to remind myself of what hangovers feel like. Also, my husband is incredibly supportive and my meds don’t like alcohol. When I do drink never stop at just one. Once I start, I keep going. So, I will enjoy my newly hydrated self and wake up with a clear head. Since I’m spending large amounts of money, it’s good to have that mental clarity. Nightly reading of other folks blog posts have been incredibly helpful with keeping me focused on my goals.

My depression has been 50/50. Much better than a month ago when I was 100% depressed. Medication side effects are mostly gone, and my numb feelings are lifting. I do have a strange feeling of floating every now and then. Not sure it that’s the meds or if it the head cold I’m trying to shake right now. Maybe a combo of both.

Off to a big dinner tonight and a happy hour obligation tomorrow night. The sparkling water will be flowing!