This week has been overwhelming. I’m getting ready to go out of town on Sunday night. My husband has already left. I’ll be meeting him later this week. I wish I could say we are traveling for vacation but this is a work trip. It’ll still be fun, we’ll just be running like crazy. I’m trying to dig through my pile of desk paperwork before I leave. That has proven to be a difficult mental hurdle. I need to be realistic about my work load and focus on doing just a little bit every day to get caught up. I am feeling more energetic and I am sleeping better than I have in ages. My mental fog is clearing more and more. I know that as I feel better, my life will become more manageable.
My brother arrived last night. He is house sitting for us while we are gone. I am thrilled to have someone here we can trust. I was nervous for his arrival. A typical night of hanging out with him involves alcohol. He was surprised to see me not drinking. However, he was supportive. I was tempted to sit and have a beer or a cocktail with him while we caught up. I was good though. I sipped on my sparkling water and enjoyed the conversation.
There was another trial last night right before my brother arrived. I went to a friend’s house to wish him a happy birthday. There was a small intimate gathering of people there. They were all sipping on some homemade peach schnapps and had several bottles of red wine open. I’m not much of a socialite. When I’m invited to an event or a party the first thing I do is try to think of why I can’t go. Typically when I do go to a party I hide behind my social husband. When my husband is out of town I avoid gatherings like the plague. I get some wicked social anxiety. I did well last night though. At first it was difficult for me not to grab a glass of wine to try to relax. But I managed to remind myself why I am choosing to change. It was a huge accomplishment for me just to show up to the gathering alone. I was comfortable and I had a good time. I don’t remember the last time I was that relaxed in a group of people.
I have always used alcohol to cope in that type of environment. Now I realize that the alcohol has been lying to me. I’m on day 25 of my alcohol free life.