Today is day 20 of no alcohol and day 18 of Sertraline. My brain fog is much less. I have noticed I’m more positive and optimistic lately. I still feel a little numb emotionally but I feel that is starting to ease up too. My side effects are becoming a little less each day. Hurray! The most interesting observation I’m experiencing now is the ability to see how disconnected I was prior to seeking help this time.
I sat down at my desk the other day and really realized how buried I am in work. While I sifted through all the piles of unopened mail and overdue paperwork I started feeling so guilty. How could I let it get to this? How did I forget about that? What in the world happened? So, I paid a few bills and walked away for a bit so I didn’t get overwhelmed. I can’t really think of a way of describing the state I’ve been in. Maybe, “functioning sleepwalker?” Does that make sense? That’s what it feels like. Kind of like a dream or even an out of body experience. All while self medicating with wine. Now I need to dig out of it. But at least I’m regaining the energy and clarity to do so.
Fortunately, regardless of how I feel, I am surrounded by a positive environment. I have an incredibly supportive, loving husband who I am grateful for. I also have two beautiful pit bulls who provide me with joy, unconditional love, and cuddling. I can’t imagine having to deal with this while in an abusive situation as so many people do.
I want to thank all of the people who share their journeys on WordPress. When I started this I figured it would be my writing that would be most beneficial to me. I’ve come to find out that my daily reading of other peoples posts has been even more helpful. I’m not much of a commenter on those posts (maybe that will change as I heal) but I still feel like I’m part of a community here.