Feeling Optimistic

I’m sixteen days into my alcohol free life. It feels good. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything…. Yet. I haven’t put myself into any tempting situations. I’ve been avoiding social gatherings and an invite from a friend to get pedicures and beer. I have one friend in particular I was reluctant to tell. She is a friend who I drink regularly with. I was nervous because there was an experience I had in the past with what I thought were good friends at the time. Years ago I cut alcohol out of my life. It was a time when I was dealing with a bout of depression. The friends I was spending time with were all heavy drinkers. We all enabled ourselves to sit at the beach after work and drink cases of beer. When I decided my lifestyle needed a change, the first thing I did was cut my drinking. I thought those “friends” would be supportive of that change. Instead they were hostile. Some even saying things like, “you think you’re better than us.” And other nonsense. I found myself spending a lot of time alone after that. It was a good time for reflection.

So of course I was nervous to tell my friend now, even though she is nothing like my friends from my past. Past negative experiences When I told her, not only was she accepting and full of love, she laughed and told me that she had cut alcohol from her life too… for a month. We had a good laugh and she let me know that she will be supportive of my path no matter what. I would like to keep alcohol clear from my life for the long run. I have realized that whenever I’m at my lowest, alcohol is right there beside me. It’s time to stop that cycle. I can see it clearly now.

My progress with the sertraline is going well. I’m on my second week. First week was at 25mg, then it was upped to 50 mg. I have a phone appointment tomorrow to discuss how I’m feeling. Then another in two weeks, and a face to face two weeks after that to see how I’m feeling with my dosage. My side effects have been pretty much the same. Diarrhea, headaches, feeling emotionally numb. The good news is that my insomnia has gone away. The last two nights I have slept like a rock. Today I woke up refreshed and got some work done in my office and took a break to pull some weeds outside. It was quiet and peaceful outside. I found the weed pulling to be rather cathartic. I didn’t have a million thoughts running through my head. Just the sound of the light wind in the trees. It was so peaceful.

When I’m really depressed colors look muted. It’s like I’m watching the world go by as a faded old movie. Does anyone else experience that? Today, the grass is a little greener and my hibiscus is a little brighter.

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