Thanks for joining me. I’ve started this blog as a way to share my trials with depression. I’ve had issues in the past and have been on antidepressants about 12 years ago. Since then, I’d been able to manage my depression with exercise and diet. However, for the last couple of years, I have been on a downward spiral. It wasn’t until this last Christmas that I realized I’ve really hit a low. I had also been “self-medicating” with alcohol. As you all know, alcohol is a depressant which of course didn’t help my mental health. For almost the entire week after christmas, I could barely move. No energy, no motivation, ignored phone calls, I completely isolated myself. I missed an entire week of work.
Depression had once again taken over my life. It had crept back in so slowly that I hadn’t noticed. I realized that this has been building back up for years.
The day after Christmas, after about a week of drinking, I felt horrible. I had major nausea and brain fog. I had enough, I decided I’m done with alcohol. I couldn’t remember the last night I hadn’t had a drink. I didn’t get shwacked every night, but I at least had a glass of wine or two. Alcoholism runs in my family. I felt that my nightly glass(es) of wine were turning into an addiction.
My nausea lasted for over a week. I did have a half a glass of sparkling wine on new years. It felt good to dump out the other half. Without the booze, I was able to reflect more clearly on my mental health. I called my doctor, who is awesome, and she got me into her office the following day even though she was booked up. I’m now on a path back to who I am. I want to feel joyful again. I can’t remember the last time I felt that. I’ve been prescribed Sertraline (generic zoloft). It’s the same med I’ve taken in the past with good results. I also have talk therapy scheduled that I’m looking forward to.
Just admitting my problem made me feel better. I don’t like to feel weak but I realize that the true weakness comes from not seeking help. I grew up in a tough love family who’s advice would be to just “suck it up”. I’m happy to be away from that toxic thinking. We can chat more about family later.
I’m hoping that by keeping this online journal, I may be able to reach someone else who needs help.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton